Habit 1: Be Proactive
Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Habit 6: Synergize
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
The great conflict preventer
- Pause, gain control of your emotions. Stay apart until tempers cool.
- Stop and think. What do you feel is the right thing to do?
- Remember, people cannot "make" you mad; anger is a choice.
- Focus on matters within your influence, not on matters outside your control.
- Take responsibility for actions rather than blaming others or making excuses. Apologize.
Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
- Choose your battles. Do not contend over matters that have no relevance to what is truly important.
- Focus on what you want your relationship with your child or spouse to "feel" like once the disagreement is resolved.
- Tell the person from the start you value them and want to make things right.
Habit 3: Put First Things First
- Act on problems in a timely manner; do not allow them to fester or grow.
- Be true to your values.
- Speak only words that will communicate the other person's worth and potential. Don't say things you will regret.
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
- Balance courage with consideration. Be considerate of others, but not afraid to express your own feelings.
- Make meaningful "deposits" in the person's Emotional Bank Account.
- Seek mutually beneficial outcomes. Say NO to outcomes that would help you but not help the person in the long run.
- Avoid comparing a child with other children.
- Forgive.
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
- Give your undivided focus. Say NO to television, cell phones, or other trivial interferences while talking it out.
- Listen with your ears, eyes, and heart until your child or spouse feels fully understood.
- Be open to feedback; correct inaccurate feedback.
- Clearly, concisely, and calmly communicate your feelings.
Habit 6: Synergize
- Optimize the other person's strengths and perspectives to resolve the issue.
- Be humble. You do not have to be the one with the right answer.
- Look for third alternatives, solutions that are better than either party has previously suggested.
- If needed, seek out other people who might have a more objective or educated view, and who might provide a better solution.
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
The great conflict preventer
- Get rest, exercise, and eat right so you feel good. Fatigue and stress feed conflict.
- Build the relationship with a child or spouse in calm times.
- Learn stress reduction techniques.
- Learn about basic human psychology to help you understand why a child or spouse might think or behave in certain ways at different stages of life.
- Engage in a meaningful activities in life so your confidence and esteem will be impenetrable. Avoid entering conflicts feeling vulnerable and weak.